Marriage Counseling: Common Questions Answered
Marriage counseling is much more amazing than you probably realize. You probably have movie scenes playing in your head of a couple yelling at each other in a therapist's office while the marriage therapist remains silent writing notes in his notepad. If this is what marriage counseling is really like, you probably have no desire to go. If this is what marriage counseling was really like, there’s no way I would be a marriage therapist. It’s definitely possible that there are some marriage counselors that respond in this way but that’s not the way I work with couples. The truth is I also don’t work with couples that are at the point where they want to yell at each other in front of a stranger. My goal is to work with couples who are committed to their relationship and want to make it better. Life has a way of making it hard to connect in the ways we used to connect. I help couples who are ready to work on things but just don’t have all the tools. This is where marriage counseling is helpful.
If you’re thinking about marriage counseling, you’ll probably wonder what to expect and what it entails. I can understand wanting to know more about it before committing to do it. If you are the person that looks up the restaurant menu before going to the restaurant then you’re probably the same person that wants to know everything to expect about marriage counseling.
What is marriage counseling?
Marriage counseling is a mental health service that involves a married couple working with a marriage counselor specifically on the couple’s marriage and relationship through weekly therapy sessions. Marriage counseling is designed for couples who are committed to their relationships and understand the underlying issues that might be creating a strain on their marriage. Marriage counseling focuses on how to create a stronger bond as a couple and work through past experiences or situations that may have harmed the relationship. Marriage therapy focuses on building communication skills such as validation, active listening, and problem-solving. These communication skills help the couple be able to respond to one another in safe ways so both couples are able to get their emotional needs met. Marriage counseling involves being vulnerable with your spouse but also with the therapist. A marriage therapist can help look at your relationship objectively and provide an outside perspective. They provide you with skills and help facilitate conversations to help a couple think about things they may have not thought about before. Marriage counseling is an opportunity to move beyond the past by addressing it and implementing new ways of responding to each other making the future more optimistic.
Why should I go to marriage counseling?
Every couple has a different reason for going to marriage counseling. If you have an interest in strengthening your marriage and becoming a better spouse then marriage counseling is for you. Marriage counseling can help you prevent current issues in your marriage from growing bigger by addressing them now. Every marriage has issues, and that doesn’t mean yours is bad if it has struggles. Couples come to marriage counseling when they have good marriages but they also want to prevent their marriage from struggling by developing more skills to improve. Every couple experiences some level of stress at some point in their marriage. Some common stressors couples face include parenting, employment, extended family relationships, religion, infertility, infidelity, porn addiction, and more. There are many positive changes that you can experience together as a couple like having a new baby or changing to a better job but it still has an impact on the relationship. Being able to know how to deal with these situations as they come up as a couple can prevent future stress when you have the skills to deal with them.
How long does marriage counseling take?
The length of time needed for every couple is different. Every couple has different experiences and issues they are dealing with. On average to make good progress in marriage counseling, a couple should plan to commit to six months of weekly therapy sessions and make sure they can attend consistently. Marriage counseling isn’t a quick and easy fix because your marriage didn’t develop its struggles overnight. There is a stat that states that couples will experience 6 years of being unhappy in their marriage before they will seek help. If that’s you then marriage counseling might take a bit longer because your marriage didn’t get to that state overnight. If you want to get through the process effectively and efficiently it comes down to how much work you are doing as a couple outside of the therapy session. As a marriage therapist, I provide my couples with things to focus on during the week and skills to practice. If you are doing these things you will find you get more out of the process and more quickly.
What percentage of marriage counseling is successful?
Research on marriage counseling reports a success rate of 70-98 percent of couples attending marriage counseling. However, that success rate is dependent on a few factors and believe it or not has little to do with the marriage therapist. In order to have a marriage counseling experience, yes the marriage counselor needs to have experience and training in marriage counseling to help you but success is more dependent on the couple. If the couple is willing to be vulnerable with each other and the therapist they are much more likely to be successful than couples that are closed off and give minimal interaction. I have worked with couples who didn’t even talk to each other outside of therapy sessions, and they weren’t successful at all. It also depends on how you are measuring success and what your goals are. Will marriage counseling help you stay married? Yes if that’s what both partners want. However, if one partner already has their foot out the door and doesn’t have an interest in staying married marriage counseling might not change that.
What is the best type of marriage counseling?
There are several different types of therapy models that have been shown to be effective and well-researched in working with couples. It depends on the couple and their presenting problem with what they might need and how it can be helpful. Most of the time I find utilizing principles from all of these therapies can be helpful at some point for a couple.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) focuses on attachment in adult relationships and in a marriage. This couples therapy model focuses on emotions and how to regulate your emotions in order to enhance relationship interactions. EFT helps to repair “attachment injuries” that have occurred in the relationship.
Gottman Method
This couples therapy approach focuses on decreasing unhelpful and hurtful ways of communicating as a couple, creating more intimacy as a couple, as well as affection and respect. The Gottman method helps couples become more empathetic and understanding of one another.
Solution Focused Therapy
Solution Focused Therapy focuses on finding solutions to the problems you have in your marriage. It helps you recognize how you’ve been successful in the past, focuses on your strengths as a couple, and how to utilize these tactics in the future. This therapy helps you recognize how to use your strengths to get through the current problems you are facing. This therapy may is best for couples who are currently facing a difficult situation. It doesn’t focus as much on past issues that currently impact the marriage.
What is the role of the marriage counselor?
As a marriage and family therapist, I have been trained to facilitate difficult conversations. The marriage counselor has the tools, knowledge, and experience to help couples recognize the patterns they fall into. The therapist uses these observations of behaviors and symptoms to help them get to a more intimate and vulnerable space with each other so they can start reconnecting again. The marriage counselor focuses on helping the couple work through the trauma that the couple may have experienced together or the trauma that may in some way be impacting the marriage. When couples have had painful experiences in the past impacting the marriage, the counselor can gently help the couple feel safe to be open about this and recognize the emotions they experience. Being able to talk about and feel these things is essential to healing a marriage. The marriage counselor’s role is not to fix your problems but it’s to educate you on how to help you as a couple fix them together.
Is marriage counseling really worth it?
I can never tell you what to do with your time or money, and I would never persuade a couple to come to marriage counseling. What I can say is if you want to have a better marriage and you are committed to making your relationship with your spouse work, it’s worth it. I have never met a couple who went to marriage counseling and worked as hard as they could on their marriage regret doing it. Marriage counseling might be the thing that saves, empowers, and elevates your marriage to be everything you need it to be. It’s pretty difficult to figure it out on your own when you have the opportunity to work with a professional that knows how to help.
Marriage counseling can change your relationship
Marriage counseling can make all the difference on your marriage. If this relationship is truly what you want and is important to you then marriage therapy will strengthen it. Marriage counseling can help you know how to communicate with each other in loving ways. It can help you connect on a level you have not been able to connect on before. Working with a relationship expert can help you have a positive and healthy marriage long-term. Naturally, you probably don’t know how to have difficult conversations because it probably wasn’t modeled to you as a child. If you and your spouse are committed to marriage counseling and want to roll up your sleeves and dive in, you will reap the benefits for the rest of your life.
Start marriage counseling in Utah County
You don’t have to keep losing confidence in your ability to be a good spouse. You don’t have to leave interactions feeling deflated and hopeless about being able to feel close again. Marriage counseling can help. This Utah Counseling Clinic has a marriage counselor that specializes in marriage counseling. To begin therapy follow the steps below:
Meet with a marriage counselor in Utah
Begin healing your marriage
Online Marriage Counseling in Utah
I get that you might not have the ability to meet in person with a marriage counselor. I know there are many parts of Utah that don’t have access to work with a couples therapist. This is why I offer online therapy in Utah. Online counseling is safe, effective, and much more convenient than having to travel to a therapy appointment.
Online therapy allows me to work with clients all over the state including Salt Lake City, Logan, St. George, Cedar City, Heber, and more. Begin working with an online marriage counselor today.
Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy
Marriage Counseling isn’t the only counseling service provided by this Northern Utah Counseling Practice. Other mental health services provided by Marcus Hunt Therapy include premarital counseling, LDS marriage counseling, EMDR therapy, anxiety therapy, PTSD treatment, and therapy for men.
About the Author
Marcus Hunt is an associate marriage and family therapist at Marcus Hunt Therapy in Utah County. He has a bachelors in behavioral science from Utah Valley University. He also has a master's in marriage and family therapy. Marcus enjoys helping couples explore the challenges in their marriage so that they can create a much better relationship. He loves working with couples that are willing to invest in changing themselves in order to create a better marriage. When Marcus isn’t doing therapy he enjoys spending time with his dogs and exploring southern Utah.